On further and deeper thought though, the books aren't the hardest thing I've ever written. Because ultimately the books bring me joy and I hope they do the same to the people who read them. Nope the hardest thing I ever wrote was a letter.
*okay so here's your trigger warning. I'm going to talk about an abuse situation. so if this is something you can't read then I'm so sorry.*
Here's a hot guy pic for you to look at then you can go to Jessica's blog post. Ohhhh look he's a Spartan warrior. Yippy!
If you stayed with me, I was sexually molested when I was a child.
An older cousin is the perpetrator, which I think makes it harder. He was, what most people would term a child, but he molested me.
Anyway, after about a blue billion years of therapy I finally found an awesome therapist. She was so amazing and with her I could get my life back on track. One day she suggested I confront him. This was so terrifying for me, but I agreed. She suggested I write him a letter and that's what I did. I wrote him to let him know that I knew what he'd done, it wasn't my fault, and I was giving it back to him to carry since I'd been dragging this weight around all my life.
I still remember mailing the letter. I was terrified and almost went and got it, but my friend Jennifer wouldn't let me. So that letter went out. I didn't know if he'd get it or read it, but that one act made me feel better.
When I was a kid four of my dad's siblings lived side-by-side. This older cousin lived in one of the houses. So, about two weeks after sending the letter, I got out of my car after I got home from work and looked down the street and who did I see getting out of a car? Yep, it was him. He turned and we looked at each other and I'll never forget it, but he ran. He ran from me. Left his car door open and a kid strapped in the car seat, while he ran for his mom's house. I realized right then that he's nothing but a coward.
I've seen him since and every time he dodges me. That's good. Because he's carrying the guilt now because I won't ever do it again.
Now you can check out what the other Blogger Girlz have to say. Oh and if you have a comment, question or whatever just drop it down in the section.
Jessica
Bronwyn
Kris
Jessica D
Kellie
See you all next week! -- Gwen
I'm glad you found the strength to confront him. Not everyone is able to do that. And I'm also glad you were able to see him for who he really is. I'm worried for his children, though. :(
ReplyDeleteThey're grown adults now. My cousin actually called his wife to tell her what he'd done. Don't know if that did anything. We also called the police and they investigated. Not enough evidence. Go figure.
DeleteI absolutely love that term. I'm handing you back the guilt to carry because I've carried it long enough. Words to live by.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kris. It was tough to give it back. You know after you have something for so long you become attached to it. No more. Once I realized what I was doing and why the guilt had to go. It wasn't mine to begin with.
DeleteSo happy you were able to give that back--because it was NOT your burden to carry. But doing that is sooo hard.
ReplyDeleteYou are very brave, cousin! For confronting him and letting him know that you did remember it! Would have loved seeing him run to his mom's house. Was she going to protect him from you? I can just imagine the fear he felt waiting for you to come to the door. We all walked into each other's houses and I guarantee he had locked himself in the bathroom, thinking you would walk right through that door.
ReplyDeleteI still remember (with guilt and sadness, even though I was just a teenager) him coming from your house and how all of the adults (especially my dad) would tease him about being a sissy, and "playing with little girls".....no one had any idea of how sinister it really was........it was right in front our faces but we were all blood......NEVER would have thought it could happen.........but it did! You are awesome! Brave and strong and wonderful........everything he is not!!!!