Wednesday, March 21, 2018


I've started and restarted this post over and over since, to me, the subject is really deep and intense. So, the question is to name one thing I've lied to myself about and why. Okay, here goes  . . . oh and before I do let me say

I was sexually molested when I was a child. I don't have an exact age. I always say six, seven, or eight since I'm not sure. I know I was little and I know who it was - a cousin who is five or six years older than me.  Once the abuse stopped, I "forgot." 

Not really. Let's just say my mind tucked it away. I refused to recognize it for what it was. Any time an image of the abuse would flash in my mind, I'd unconsciously push it away. Nope, that's nothing. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Over time, I became an expert at the lie. If the image floated up, I'd make it disappear almost instantly. I never questioned all the billions of issues that I had. In fact, I never gave any of it, especially the PTSD, a thought. 

The longer I lied to myself, the easier the lie became. Until, a doctor presented me with the evidence. She said the much hated words - sexual abuse. My mind was saying, "Oh no, you must be wrong." My mouth was saying something totally different, "My mother doesn't even know."

I panicked. An out and out panic attack. I ran away. Oh, after I screamed at the doctor the above sentence a couple of times. I'm sure I scarred her since she was a brand new doctor. Poor thing. 

Once this happened, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I had to look at the memories and recognize what they were. What happened. Who it was. How it affected me. Then I had to deal with it all. Which took for freaking ever. Between the abuse, PTSD, and the clinical depression my 20s and early 30s sucked major donkey balls. 

Things are certainly better now. I still have the depression, which can get bad, but for the most part the other stuff has . . . subsided. It's not gone. It'll never be gone, but it doesn't take over my life either. 

Monday, March 19, 2018


The song this month was one I had never heard of by a group I hadn't heard of either. As soon as I heard it, I liked it. A lot. It immediately brought a scene to mind starring a character from my November flash fiction, Raisa and her dragon troubles. 

The song is called Patsheeva by a group called Circa Paleo

If you want you can take a listen here.

     Raisa moved through the tunnels of the cave, barely aware of her surroundings. She crawled when she needed to crawl and climbed when required. She was on the scent. The Guild wasn’t, at one point, known as thieves for nothing. Of course, most Guild members didn’t go out with the idea of stealing from a dragon. Or, if they did, they didn’t last long. Here she was though, stealing from a dragon.
     Perhaps, there really wasn’t a dragon. Maybe all the stories were just that, stories. Dragons weren’t seen much anymore. They kept to themselves and were normally found deep, deep in mountain ranges. This cave really wasn’t that far from the city. Not really. It had taken her about four hours to drive and another hour to hike to the entrance. For a dragon, that wasn’t much. And, no matter what she tried to tell herself, a dragon was here. Somewhere. Her senses told her. Led her ever closer.
     Raisa inched her way along a thin ledge and cursed her brother and her own stupidity for ending up in this situation. The Semenov’s had obviously used her brother to get to her. Of course, it didn’t take much since Georgi was a complete and utter idiot who imagined himself as a big player in the city. He wasn’t. He was a pawn and now so was she.
     She should have ignored the Semenov’s offer to meet with her. Her senses told her to ignore it, but instead she went hoping to talk them into a solution that didn’t have her stealing from a dragon. They not only didn’t want to talk, but they stamped their seal on her. A seal she was to understand that never came off. She was, in effect, their property. Forever. This was what they wanted all along. They didn’t care about Georgi, but about her. Her skills.
     The research in the Guild archives would hopefully pay off. The only thing that could cancel out the family seal of a Wyrm was a dragon. She hoped like hell she could figure out how to convince the dragon to do whatever needed to be done. And, this whole asinine plan depended on her ability to discuss the situation with a being who wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about her problems. Well, if the dragon ate her, it would solve the seal issue once and for all.
     Raisa felt the heat first. Not unpleasant, in fact, it felt good after the chill of the cave. Her stomach in knots, she moved forward carefully. She was close, her senses screamed at her wanting her to run, but she refused. She had to get this done.
     Next, came the light. Not like from the sun, but as if from fire. A warm fire on a cold winter’s night. Yep, just keep that thought in your head, Raisa told herself. Comfort, warm, friendly. She almost laughed. Nothing, not even strong drink, was going to convince herself she was heading to a warm, snuggly fire.
     Taking a deep breath, she moved out of the tight corridor into a massive cavern. Or, at least, she assumed it was massive. She couldn’t look around and investigate her surroundings since her gaze was pinned on the enormous dragon. The enormous dragon who lay curled up on his hoard. The enormous dragon who lay curled up on his hoard watching her with beautiful sea green eyes.
     “Well, well, well,” the deep male voice came from nowhere and everywhere at once. “What do we have here?”
     Raisa gulped back a scream. She couldn’t imagine that would impress him over much. Her screaming and flailing around like a Muppet wouldn’t make a great first impression. No sudden moves, she told herself, and bowed low before him.
     “So, thief, why don’t you tell me why you’re here before I eat you.”

     Raisa stepped forward to bargain with a dragon.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018


This month the prompt consists of the line: "It's okay. You don't have to love me." I wasn't really sure what to do with it, but I finally came up with an idea. It's not very long, but I hope you like it.

     “Then he said, ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to love me.’ My first thought was, you’re damn straight, there, buck wheat.”
     Dana burst out laughing, almost shooting Pepsi out her nose. “You didn’t say that, did you?”
     Her best friend, Gina, rolled her eyes. “No, of course not. I said, ‘That’s good, because I don’t.’”
     “Well, yeah, you’ve only been dating…what? Two weeks?”
     “If that, so I am definitely not in love with him.”
     Dana shook her head. “So, he thinks he’s in love with you?”
     “Hell no,” Gina said, “he just wants in my pants. Because after he delivered his line worthy of a B-grade film he said, ‘Just let me love you.’ Then he grabbed one of my tits.”
     Dana really tried not to laugh, she really did, but just couldn’t help it. Her best friend ended up in the most bizarre situations with the most bizarre men. There’d been the guy who claimed he was an actor, which he wasn’t. He was an usher at the theatre. Another guy said he was an award-winning song writer and told Gina he’d written songs like Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You, but that the singer had stolen it. And, on and on. Dana really couldn’t remember the last normal guy Gina had dated.
     “And then what happened?” Dana couldn’t stop herself from asking.
     “Oh, he dropped his pants and revealed he wasn’t wearing underwear. What he did have was a tattoo that said love machine right above his dick.”
     “You can’t make this shit up.”
     Gina smiled. “Oh, hell no, I don’t have this good of an imagination.”
     “So, what did you do?”
     “I slapped his hand off my tit, grabbed my purse and left. He tried to run after me, but, instead, tripped over his pants and fell out into the main hall of his apartment building. The elderly lady who lives across the hall came out then and screamed since he was naked. I didn’t stay around to find out what happened then.”
     “I’m so sorry, but this stuff only happens to you.”
     “I know and this is why I’m taking a break from dating. Hopefully, if I give it a few months the weirdos will have all found other people and I can find somebody, at least, half way normal.”
     “Okay, that’s not what I expected to hear. You once told me that if you didn’t have a date for the weekend you’d shrivel up and waste away.”
     “Obviously, I’m stupid. And, if I would waste away it’d be preferable to the men I’ve been seeing.”
     Dana shook her head. “That’s just it. You’re not dating men, you’re dating boys. Maybe you need to start looking somewhere other than the bars and clubs for guys to date.”
     Gina smiled. “You’re brilliant. I’ll join an online dating site.”

     Jumping up, she raced out of the room before Dana had a chance to respond. Sitting back in her chair, she knew, without a doubt, there were more weirdos in Gina’s future. With the internet, the pool was going to be wider and deeper. Dana didn’t know whether to be afraid or excited at the prospect of even more entertainment.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018


Welcome to the wordlessness that is Wednesday. This year we get to share whatever pics we want for each wordless post. First, I'm never wordless no matter what and second, it's going to be so hard. I have tons of pics to share. 

I think, though, for March's wordless I'll share pics from my trip to Charlotte. If you've never been, the city is so nice and I love the Daniel Stowe Botanical Gardens. I hope you enjoy them.

Bronwyn    Jessica    Siobhan    

Monday, March 5, 2018


This month we are all creating a piece around the picture above. So many thoughts, so many ideas Hopefully, you'll like what I did.

   Shattered glass. The screams of men. The scent of blood and burning rubber. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t scream. Blood choked him as he attempted to gasp in a breath.
   Gabriel jerked himself awake and frantically searched the room. Dream. It had been a dream. Pain shot through his left knee, it was a dream now. What he dreamed was real or had been real. Fuck, he wasn’t sure anymore. He scrubbed a shaky hand over his sweaty face and tried to slow his breathing.
Eight months. He’d been stateside for eight months. And, for almost every night of those eight months, he had the same dream. The same memory. Roadside IED punching a hole through his transport. Blood, screaming, bodies. He’d been one of the lucky ones. He’d lived. He had all his fingers and toes, if not his sanity.
   Rising, he limped to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He needed to wash away the sweat and the lingering unease the dream always brought on. He braced his hands on the wall and let the hot water pour down over his body. Slowly, his muscles unknotted and, though, he was more relaxed, he knew he wouldn’t go back to sleep.
   He turned the water off and grabbed a towel. The clock on the wall read five-thirty. He didn’t have PT until almost ten and he certainly didn’t want to hang around the apartment. If anyone could call the tiny four hundred square foot space by anything so grand. It was a box, he knew that, but he hadn’t been looking for much. All he’d been focused on was finding a place to sleep and store some of his stuff. That was it.
   His cousin, Callan, had offered to let him crash at his place, but there was no way. The man’s bed was a revolving door and Gabriel didn’t want to stay in someplace he didn’t feel was secure. So, he’d taken the first place he looked at. It wasn’t much, but it certainly beat most of his past accommodations.
   After he dressed, he grabbed up his laptop bag and slowly made his way out of the building. Turning right, he moved down the sidewalk. He was aware of everything and everyone around him as he made his way to the coffee bar that was becoming his second home. The place opened at six and, more often than not, Gabriel was in his regular seat with a drink by six-ten.
   He stepped in the door and paused to quickly survey the space. The only person in the entire space, was the lady behind the counter. She looked up and smiled at him.
   “Good morning,” she called.
   “Morning.” He stepped up to the counter.
   “So, what can I get you this morning? Are you sticking with what you normally order or are you going to branch out?”
   “I’ll stick with the regular.”
   She poured plain black coffee into a cup and handed it to him. He paid her and moved to the table he always occupied. It was situated in the corner with a wide-open view of the entire place. He pulled out his laptop and booted it up. While he waited, he sipped from his cup. He didn’t know what she did, but her coffee was damn good. That’s why he came every day, well that and the fact that, he didn’t make her nervous.
   He knew he made people nervous, between his size and the fact that he wasn’t much of a people person, okay, he wasn’t a people person period. He’d had his fill of people so didn’t feel the need to socialize. Claire, though, didn’t seem to mind. He knew that was her name since she owned the coffee bar and the place was called Coffee by Claire.
   So different. His life was nothing as it had been. Wouldn’t be again. And IED and shattered glass made sure of that. Gabriel glanced up as Claire slid a warm cinnamon muffin on his table.
   “I didn’t order this.”
   “I know,” she said, with a smile. “I figured my most loyal customer deserved a muffin.”

   She moved away, her long tail of blonde hair a stream down her back. He picked up the muffin and bit into cinnamon, butter, and warmth. His life may be totally different than what he’d planned, but he’d take it and figure it out. It certainly beat the alternative.

Bronwyn   Jessica    Kris

Wednesday, February 28, 2018


I love this month's Top 10, because I love Disney! Everything Disney! Disney movies, Disney shows, Walt Disney World, Disney clothes . . . are you sensing a pattern. The only downside is I only get to chose 10. So, the ones I show are the movies that immediately come to mind. This in no way gives all my favorite Disney movies.

Okay, so these are my top 10 Disney movies. The only one that's in order is the #1 spot, which is:

1. Beauty and the Beast
I've always loved this story and once Disney came out with this version, yep my favorite.

2. Robin Hood
The music is great and the story just makes me laugh. Fun Fact: Robin Hood was my sister's very first crush.

3. The Aristocats
4. 101 Dalmations
5. Jungle Book
I love this movie and it was the one my dad took us to see. Not mom, but dad, so that was a big deal.

6. Bedknobs and Brooksticks

7. Sleeping Beauty
I love the story, but I love Maleficent even more.

8. Mary Poppins

9. Hocus Pocus

10. The Santa Clause

Well that stinks, since I've reached 10 and haven't really finished. I never got to mention The Lion King, That Darn Cat (original), Mulan, Tarzan, The Incredibles, Zootopia . . . yeah the list could just go on and on.

Anyway, go and check out if Bronwyn, Jessica, Kris or Siobhan managed to stick to just 10 movies

Wednesday, February 21, 2018


And, there you go, that's my perfect lazy day. Snoozing in my hammock, by the ocean, as I sip lovely tropical drinks. As I gaze toward the ocean, my man comes out of the ocean to join me.
Aaaand scene.

In the real world, my perfect lazy day wouldn't be nearly as perfect. If I can swing it, Sunday is my lazy do nothing day. If I don't have to do anything then if it rains that makes it so much better. I love the sound of rain. It's so soothing.

The perfection would start with my incredible sister making breakfast, which she does quite often. We have hash browns, eggs, bacon and biscuits in reality and in the perfect. Oh and tea, we always have a pot of tea.

After breakfast, I might read for a bit, then I "meditate" which is code for take a nap. I might goof off on my computer for a bit, read for a bit more. We might watch something on TV or we could just sit together and read. Yes, we do this. 

We put together something for dinner then I'd take a shower and curl up in bed to read until I get sleepy and turn out the light. That to me is perfection. Okay, really the beach with Jason Momoa is perfection, but beggars can't be choosers. 

Check out what Jessica, Bronwyn, Kris, Torrance, and Jessica D think is the perfect day.